Good Coaching Creates a Shift

The goal of coaching is to create a shift in the client’s behavior, mindset or mood. We all know that we can be our own worst enemy. Our beliefs or our habits can stand in the way of our success.

The best book I have ever read about habits is Steven Covey’s “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.” If you want to improve your outlook or your performance, I suggest starting with Covey. Good habits facilitate success. Bad habits hinder it.  As a coach I often help clients examine existing habits. When a habit has become an obstacle, we work on creating a new habit that eases the path to greater fulfillment.

Sometimes our beliefs about ourselves or about the nature of the world are the major obstacles to our success. We can call this our “self talk.” In other words, what you tell yourself is true, you tend to believe is true. If you tell yourself that you aren’t good enough to sing at Carnegie Hall, there is a very good chance that you won’t sing at Carnegie Hall. On the other hand, if you tell yourself that you have what it takes to sing at Carnegie hall, you are more likely to practice your singing, to associate with other singers, and to seek help and guidance on the best way to land a gig at Carnegie Hall.

Our prevailing moods can also be an obstacle to success.  We can form mood habits.  You maybe in the habit of being fearful.  As your coach, I can help you shift toward more playfulness and openness.  I’m not saying the fear will go away completely.  I’m saying  you will be better able to manage your fear and move past it.

Alive In The Present Moment

Being alive in the present moment is both my personal goal and my goal for my clients. It’s a version of “be here now.” If we are alive to the present moment, we can take actions that result in happier outcomes. You know how people say that we are always fighting the last war? Well, that is true on a personal level as well as a national level.

It might be challenging to avoid girding yourself for battle, especially if you must interact with someone who has wounded you in the past. I know this from experience.

Pema Chodron says we should thank the person who annoys us.

I know that advice may be hard to swallow, but let me tell you something. There is a person in my life right now who regularly irritates me. I mean she really gets under my skin. So, clearly that sucks. But, let me tell you the flip side. My atempts to find peace while dealing with this person are what lead me to sit down and write “Playing With Happiness.” I owe her a big debt of gratitude don’t I? My annoyance led to the completion of my first book. Something icky transformed into something wonderful.

Maybe I should ask the universe to rub me the wrong way more often. Okay maybe not, but I think you understand what I’m saying. Goodness can arise from hardship.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
your buddy,
Coach Cynthia
314-925-8736 or
314-776-4199

Dance of the Day

Today I’m doing the peppermint twist. It gets my hips moving around and it makes me smile.  Did you dance today? Call me and tell me about your dance, anytime during normal business hours, at 314-925-8736.  Maybe tomorrow’s dance will be the mashed potato.

Take care,
Coach Cynthia

Call The Life Coach

I am available for phone consultations. The first consultation is always free. If we decide to work together during the call, we will set up a contract and a payment schedule.
Main phone: 314-776-4199
Alternate phone: 314-925-8736
Wishing you all the best,
Coach Cynthia

It Takes 40 Years, a Village, and Some Grit

The world changed last week.  But, it didn’t happen overnight.  It didn’t happen because Barak Obama is a great guy.  Change came to United States politics because for a long time a lot of people had been working on a dream.  That dream was beautifully articulated by Dr. Martin Luther King, jr.  But he was not the only one having the dream 40 years ago.

Clearly, I don’t subscribe to the great man theory of history.  Instead, I believe that sometimes a great man or a great woman meets their moment and has the skills and the audacity to grab hold and hang on.   That distinction matters to me because I believe, as Dr. King did, that everyone who shows up for the dream matters.  The speech maker matters, and the janitor who cleans up after the parade matters.   Participation matters. 

Practice also matters.  I’m a practioner of  mindfulness meditataion.  I’ve read many books on the subject.  One of my favorites remains  Thich Nat Hahn’s, “Peace Is Every Step.”  In it he recommends  that one practice being fully present while washing the dishes.  For many of us, this is a time when our minds wander away from the task at hand.  We might do a fine job of getting things clean, and still our mind may be far away.  I wash dishes often enough that following Hahn’s advice allows me to practice mindfulness almost every day. 

That daily practice is the most important part of my progress.  Of course, I had to start with the intention to become more mindful.  And, sure, it helps to attend some big event where everyone is talking about how great mindfulness is or sharing their techniques for increasing practice time.  It helps to read more books about ways to keep my mind on track with my intention.  It helps to hear the ringing of a prayer bell.   Still, the thing that really pushes me forward is to practice  in the very middle of the most ordinary part of my life.

All of us can wish for greatness.  All of us can hope for a brighter future.   But don’t imagine that peeling potatoes or sweeping the floor is a less important step on the road to getting there.

Coaching Without A Niche

I’ve been involved in the world of  personal coaching for almost a decade now.  I was there when everyone said that there wasn’t a there.  I’ve seen Al Roker and Penn Gillett treat coaching as the equivalent of snake oil distribution.  Baby, I was definately coaching when coaching wasn’t cool.

And now, you can’t throw a dead cat without hitting a coach.  Heck ,there are probably even dead cats with coaches.  And, I’m glad to see that the profession has grown.  I’m glad that everyone wants a coach.  But, in the middle of the change from obscurity to intense popularity, the spirit of coaching has been lost.

Now every coach has a niche, a website, three coaches of their own, and a personal trainer.  And everyone of them can spout the party line about what coaching is.  Terrific!  And, in many cases meaningless. 

Great coaching is like great sex.  It is majic.  It’s a transformative partnership without equivalent.  Anyone who says differently has yet to experience the genuine article.

Dashing My Obsessions

I’ve taken a few writing classes and read a few books on writing over the years.   Something that one of my teachers said sticks with me.  We write our obsessions.  In that particular class one of my obsessions with the proper use of commas.  To be honest, I am still obsessed by that, and probably by punctuation in general.  This week I’m using a lot of dashes in my emails.  I’m intrigued by the idea of changing up my punctuation routine and by the fact that the poet Emily Dickinson used a lot of dashes.

I am also obsessed by love.  Everyone is whether they admit it or not.  As a writer, a teacher, and a coach I get to indulge this particular obsession a lot.  I’ve written short stories about my ex-husband and about many of the other men that I’ve been  in love with – especially the ones that  got away without me understanding why. 

And, I’m obsessed by the human mind.  Can anyone of us ever understand ourselves or any other human?  I mean really understand our minds, our choices and our behaviors at a deep and abiding level.  I think not.  Humanity is so fluid and so dynamic that just when one of us thinks we have something important figured out, the whole equation changes.   Consider history.  Clearly, if we don’t consider it, we are doomed to repeat it.  But, even when we do study it, we seemed doomed to repeat it – just in different colored jackets or in different languages.  In physics this is called The Observer Effect.   The thing being observed changes whether or not the observer intends to change it.

So, you can’t step into the same river twice.  Heck, you can’t really even look at the same river twice.   Have I contradicted myself?  Obsessions endure.  Reality changes.  Think about that.  I’m still worrying about an uncomfortable conversation that I had with  a friend yesterday.  My monkey mind keeps replaying my mistakes.  My friend, on the other hand, is over it.  I’ve apologized to her.  I’ve told her how much I appreciate her presence in my life.  She’s gone onto to the next thing.  So should I.